I'm Not Really Here

Title: I'm Not Really Here

Author: Paul Lake

Published: 2011

Publisher: Century

When the long list was revealed for 2011’s William Hill Sports Book of the Year there was one book missing that many felt was a shoe-in for the shortlist. Surprisingly the judges omitted Paul Lake’s I’m Not Really Here, a brutal and honest autobiography about potential being thwarted by injury and a reminder that not too long ago, Manchester City weren’t awash with Middle East oil money.

Paul Lake was a fantastic prospect for Manchester City until a knee injury ensured that Lake would be a footballing ‘what if’ – those what ifs are what Lake had to deal with having to retire prematurely from the game.

I’m Not Really Here opens with a fantastic juxtaposition. Firstly there is Lake describing the build-up to the opening day of the 1990/91 season where unsure of whether he’ll have a place in the squad, when manager Howard Kendall tells Lake that not only will he start, that he is naming Lake club captain. For a diehard City fan, Lake has everything he could ever dream of, having that summer been part of the provisional England squad for Italia 90. Contrast this elation to five and a half years later when Lake finds himself in a Bolton hospital following a knee operation. One week previously he has retired from football. He tries to get out of bed to fetch a newspaper when his knee gives way; blood spurts everywhere and Lake himself howling and crying. The difference couldn’t be starker.

Lake’s climb up the footballing ladder is real Boy’s Own stuff which finds him establishing himself at the club he grew up supporting, surrounded by a loving family and on the cusp of international football. Whilst all of this isn’t uninteresting it merely provides the backstory to what follows: surgery followed by rehabilitation followed by breakdown followed by further surgery, a vicious circle that couldn’t be broken. Whilst Lake still had hope of playing he worked hard to get back but his knee continued to break down finally forcing Lake into the realisation that he would have to retire.

Following retirement Lake had lots of opportunity to dwell on what could have been, what scenarios would allow him to have played again. It is in these moments that Manchester City don’t come out too well, especially those in the boardroom who Lake feels could have done more for him. Lake appears as a thoughtful and considerate man, who is clearly jaded by his time on the sidelines at Maine Road.

After retirement, Lake offers a brutal slice of reality for those who are unceremoniously booted out the game – he admits to depression and struggling to deal with the adjustment of not having football in his life. Lake eventually gets his life back on track by returning to college and training as a physiotherapist and returning to club football. Eventually he works in broadcasting and returns to Manchester City (now oil rich and relocated from Maine Road) in a community and charity role. Whilst Lake may not have reached the peak of his potential he has been able to deal with this awful injury that has happened to him and he appears to be a happy and rounded individual, not something you can say for many former footballers.

Buy I'm Not Really Here from Century

You can follow Paul Lake on twitter: @Paul_Lake

Trautmann's Journey

Title: Trautmann's Journey: From Hitler Youth to FA Cup Legend

Author: Catrine Clay

Published: 2010

Publisher: Yellow Jersey

There aren’t many footballers biographies where you can be over half-way through and 200 pages in before the player even begins to have a lifestyle closely approximating that of a professional footballer. But Bert Trautmann is no ordinary footballer as this book by Catrine Clay reveals.

Many people will know Trautmann as the German Manchester City goalkeeper who broke his neck in the 1955 FA Cup Final with sixteen minutes to play yet determined to continue, played on, making a number of important saves to ensure his side clinched the cup. Yet ten years previously he was fighting for Germany in the Second World War against many of the players and fans who would later applaud and cheer him on.

Born in Bremen, Trautmann was the right age to be fully indoctrinated by the plans of the Nazi Party and from a young age, Bert was a member of the Hitler Youth – an organisation that valued athleticism and brawn above thinking ability. Whilst Trautmann has some of the latter, he was a gifted handball and football player and was welcomed by the Hitler Youth and a model Aryan. Unsurprisingly, his academic studies took a back seat when he continually being lauded with praise and upheld as a good example to his peers.

The majority of Trautmann’s Journey focuses on Bert’s life from his school days to his time as a Paratrooper in the German Army during the war. Clay makes no excuses here for Trautmann, he was a fully signed up member, who may have been naive about what jobs he was undertaking, nonetheless, was fully committed to Nazi ideas and was determined to do his bit for the Fuhrer.

Clay vividly paints a picture of what life was like for German soldiers during the War: the futility of trying to beat the Russians and then re-treating to defend Germany’s interests on the Western Front. At the same time, Clay sets the context with description of life for everyday Germans juxtaposed with the internal battles that were occurring between Hitler and his Generals.

Once captured by the British, Trautmann is interned in the north west of England where he is far from repentant about the German actions in the war. However, over time he becomes more aware of the destruction caused by Hitler’s plans, coupled with the warm hospitality he receives from the majority of the Brits he meets, Trautmann decides to stay in England instead of returning to Bremen to be with his family.

The last few chapters of Trautmann’s journey feels rushed with only one devoted to his time at St Helens Town FC and only another with his entire career at Manchester City, where he did a great deal to enhance the reputation of Germans as well as heroically putting his team above danger to himself. Whilst a match by match analysis wouldn’t have been necessary, these chapters feel hurried. The epilogue which recounts Clay speaking to Trautmann is very interesting and definitely more depth would have enhanced the book as much of Bert’s personal life is glossed over in a number of sentences, where certain issues could have been probed more deeply.

There is unlikely to be a footballer who has led such a remarkable life as Bert Trautmann. His story is one that is worth retelling and in this day and age, remarkable that it hasn’t been made into a television series or film. From gifted youth in trouble to FA Cup hero, it’s a tale that’s straight out of Hollywood.

Buy Trautmann's Journey here.